Things we never say.

I watched this video the other day:

I love how sassy and hilarious Kid President is, what a great motivator too

Although corn-dogs are horrific and should not be a thing.

Just as this video encourages us to say things more often, it's got me thinking more about the things we never really talk about or say.

And I wonder what it is that means we don't think it is appropriate  or relevant to speak about such things?

It seems to me that so much of our lives is spent trying to be 'ok.' To make sure you let people know that everything is ticking over ok, life is fine, let's move on. BUT how many times has someone said 'how are you?' and in reality you feel absolutely awful, but don't want to lump on them the bad stuff that is hanging over your head and in your mind?

What is the use of this 'happy front'? A protective defence or barrier?

In some ways I think it can be more destructive. 

It's tough but I think it's good to be honest and say when things aren't ok. Be open about it, isn't friendship meant to be a form of support and encouragement in many respects?

I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes it is important to say the things we think are irrelevant/ scary/ awkward, whatever. Maybe it's worth the vulnerability sometimes to just be open and say it (obviously to the right person FYI). Life is fleeting and we all too easily forget that. Call me crazy or too 'touchy feely' but I think words mean something, and to say what you really mean is a strength and shouldn't be brushed off as cheesy.

In the light of that, a few instances this week have almost been more than I could handle. Heartache, worry and fear have reared their ugly heads. But in some divine intervention, I've also been blessed with immense joy, hilarity and laughter. Kind actions and words, that could have gone unsaid have meant an awful lot. 

I am starting to believe that we should start saying the things our hearts tell us to, but our bargaining 'mind conversation' tell us not to. That it's too risky or too silly. I know I've missed out on many opportunities to say things. This week, I was completely floored by a situation and should have worked up the guts to say something  important to a friend in need, but I didn't and I completely regret not saying it in the moment.

I recently read this poem.  I can totally understand why people think love poems like this can be really cheesy and awkward sometimes. But for some reason I really like how intimate, raw and beautiful a poem like this is. I'll leave it to you to decide what you think.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- E. E. Cummings

Maybe this week, say something you don't normally say.  Actively appreciate people this week.

'I have a boyfriend.'

Say Whaaaaat?!

That's a lie, I don't. Well, it depends on how you say it I suppose. And, it illustrates a point.

Timing. 

Growing up you start to realise how careful you have to be when chatting about your friends of different gender. Long gone are the (slightly easier) days when fancying boys was just weird and most of our interactions at our school in Cairo* revolved around playing basketball together or going swimming. Where boy friends were just simply friends who were boys, nothing else.

Nowadays, you have to be a bit more tactful. Life would definitely be so much easier if I could just say, 'yep just hanging out with my girlfriends this morning and then my boyfriends this afternoon'. But, you just can't say that anymore. Time (and growing up) has changed things, boyfriends mean a whole other thing. Speaking about the other gender, you've got to cover all kinds of bases to ensure people know the relationship is platonic- 'Oh he's one of my guy friends /  friend who is a boy / one of the dudes / such a brotherly friend.'

I love this little girl's reaction:

Timing has never been my strong point.

I am always late to everything. I'm that friend. Say come for 8, and I'll be there at 8.30 if you're lucky. I'm the person that you never expect to be on time, and when I am it's often a fluke and I'm probably meant to also be somewhere else. I put it down to over-optimism and bad maths, I think I move faster than I actually can.

But although I am late to things, I often feel like my mind and body are moving really fast all of the time. For instance, recently I've noticed how my brain moves faster than my mouth and when I want to say something funny or succinct, it just doesn't work.

Does anyone else get that? Like I wish in a conversation I could just link my brain to yours. I would be so much more hilarious.

Timing is such a strange thing. When you take it apart, our world works according to timeslots. Small snapshots of days where we are meant to be at certain places, doing specific things and meeting various people. And how weird is it that timing can change everything?

A few of my girl (*space*) friends think I have an odd kind of curse (?) I'm not really sure what you'd call it. But essentially, every time I actually like a person or as they say 'have a major crush-on'... BAM that person then proceeds to go out with someone for the long-term, get engaged or married.

Case in point Ryan Gosling... oh Eva Mendes you lucky woman**.

Whatever, I'd like to think of it as a gift- it's nice to be a weird catalyst in the bringing together of 2 people. My friends think I need to pick different guys, what can you do?

And then I guess, the timing of meeting 'your person,' how odd is that. That this one time, in life you will meet someone who you like, who makes you laugh and you think is awesome AND that person will actually like you back and want to be in a relationship with you. How bizarre and amazing is that? A random couple of people meet and boom: sparks, romance, chocolate... ring.

Despite being late for everything, I am also someone who just wants things to happen fast. I'm not great at waiting around for other people, I just like to make things happen. Be proactive. But other people don't always work like that, and it totally boggles me how we each work and live at our own speed. I wonder if the people we naturally gravitate towards just live life at a similar speed setting to us? Hmm.

In that sense, are we ever really 'off' in our timing, or is it just that we haven't gotten into the same groove with people in the same 'time zone'?

We can worry so much about our timing and in so many different ways. Always trying to be on time, being impatient in wanting life to get a move on, or worry about missing the boat with different life opportunities. Relationships, jobs, living situations are all influenced by time.

How can we not worry about timing??? 

The funny thing is, you can't exactly change it. Unless you're Doctor Who or something (I don't even watch the show so I have no idea if he can actually do that...). Maybe it's just accepting that timing is one of those inevitabilities in life. Time/timing is not our own.

We just have to accept that sometimes we get it right, and sometimes we don't.

Sounds easy enough. I found this and it put a little perspective on things...

* Egypt and Venezuela were the only times I went to mixed schools with my brothers and so actually interacted with boys.

** apparently they may have broken up, there is hope yet.

Oh the Joy!

Today is the end of a string of fabulous evenings and delightful times spent with people who bring me so much JOY.

And I guess this post is just one of great thankfulness, I end this week feeling like I am in a lovely bubble of happiness. Who needs the stresses of final year work or grad scheme applications, hey?

It is to fall into a cycle of thinking about things you need to do, making lists, doing admin, trying to sort out life. But how refreshing is it to just stop, and shut it all off? Just appreciate and embrace doing things for the fun of it!

Flip, it's such a relief to have a life 'shake-it-out.'

So in the style of a '10 things I'm thankful for' post, I wanted to celebrate this week's joys:

1. Lami's 21st. What a babe. From the moment we met in year 7 when I couldn't pronounce your name to our biology classes with the 'minotaur,' you have always been one of my biggest encouragers and best of friends. I thoroughly enjoyed Wednesday evening, I can't believe it's been almost 10 years!

2. St Aldates' winter ball. Cor! A 1920s themed ball, with jazz music, great food and a lot of dancing. I cannot recommend an Aldates' ball enough.

3. Homemade pizza and chocolate mousse evening with some of the girls in college. Absolutely lush!

4. Morning walks with the one and only, Tim Moore. One of the happiest and liveliest people I know, such a pleasure to have him as a flatmate!! He is a 'go to' for fashion advice, let's me babble on about rubbish and take 'arty' photos of him (apologies, that makes me sound like such a creeper, but you get the gist).

5. A cheeky trip home to spend the day with the wonderful Julie Gwyther, aka Mama G. I cannot stress enough how fantastic this woman is. I will never get over how lucky I am to have such a loving, honest and generous Ma. It was a joy to spend the day with her. We went to the Garden Centre, I know- thrilling- but don't diss it until you've been to the Van Hage deli, checked out all of the christmas decorations and homeware. It's a real treat. (Sooo Chorleywood, darling)

6. Finding this online. So. Good.

7. Skyping JK/Krams in California where she is just living the dream. Great to catch up and hear all about her adventures abroad. Watch out for her people, she is going places. 

8. Getting tickets to Worcester Tercentenary Ball-  I am so excited for this! A fabulous evening of champagne, lush food and great music awaits us in summer 2014!!

9. Working in the kitchen and Jules sending me home with the crusts of some loaves of white bread. I realise this is a pretty unusual thing to be excited about, but I LOVE food and I absolutely love the crusts of bread. Thursday was a great day.

10. A night of dancing with some fabulous people. I've said it before and I'll say it again, dancing is one of my favourite things. We laughed, we pulled some great shapes and had so much fun. It is such a joy to have people in my life who make me laugh so much, and who are just simply great. I love it!

Is it possible to be too happy?

Anyway, enough gushing for this week. I've noticed I'm quite a keen and excited person for things, I'm wondering if people get weirded out by my enthusiasm... hmm oh well. They can get over it. 

Needless to say I am absolutely exhausted, I think all of my energy and any 'extrovertedness' I possess has been spent and now I need a night of netflix and tea wrapped up in bed. 

Here's to shaking it out and 'doing your thang'

It's time to get shaking, wiggling and thrusting.

The other day I watched this video:

It's incredibly powerful and an interesting message, but it's also pretty sad isn't it? To think that all this amazing technology at our fingertips which promises to connect us with individuals all over the globe, is the very thing that may contribute to our own feelings of loneliness.

If I'm honest, in a way the video kind of frustrates me, it seems like it touches on yet another possible label for our generation (16 to 20-somethings). And for some reason the collective descriptions for young people today seem to remain generally negative and constantly changing.

We've been labelled as 'Generation me,' individuals who are completely self-centred, concerned with bettering ourselves and forgetting that a world exists beyond our Iphones. Rizzle Kicks have suggested we are a 'Lost generation' where 'reality tv is morphine' and our attention is on every '#trend'.

Young people seen on the streets are described as 'yobs' or 'youths' with some kind of negative connotation attached to both of those words.

We're seen as unruly, wanting more from life than what our parents had, drinking, clubbing, taking drugs and all kinds of other things.

Technology has taken up so much of our time and head space, that there is no longer any room for reality.

And I realise, that it does pick up on truths about society, but it's also kind of disheartening isn't it?! 

In the film, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, there is is this quote:

And in a slightly construed way (bear with me) you can adapt that thought to our generation, and question it: 

Do we accept the labels we think we deserve?

I don't think we should. And I don't want to believe that we should be defeatist and accept this reality that is being perpetuated by the proposition that we are (and are becoming) a 'lonely generation'. 

So a small suggestion? Let's remember to get outside of our technology bubble and just be with people! (I realise it's kind of ironic me writing this on an internet blog, but what-cha gonna do?). 

It's cold and it's wet, BUT there is so much fun to be had if you make the time to go out and have fun.

I say this, because I've spent a long time this week inside reading over graduate scheme /Master's applications, reading about climate model processes (yawn) and feeling quite bored. Today, however,  the wonderful Alesha and I headed out to Zumba. AND IT WAS GOOD. It was REALLY good.

I definitely recommend it to everyone, there were indeed a load of girls and only some boys (ok, only two of them) but that should not put you off (male or female). If you've seen me trying to do a 'booty-shake' like Beyonce, you will know that there is nothing to be ashamed of. 

I even attempted body rolls. That's right. Hips like Shakira.

If you're in Oxford, come along to a Zumba class (I will happily join you), or wherever you are, make time to do some exercise, head out to a cafe or go to a social event. Chances are you'll surprise yourself with how much fun you have and guaranteed you will end up feeling less lonely and more like a normal (maybe slightly embarrassed, if you're doing the hip thrusting in Zumba) human being.