"Truth be told..."

-"In all honesty…"

-"Truthfully-"

I’ve been thinking about these phrases lately and how I often I begin a sentence with them. Why do we do that? Shoudn’t we be being honest all the time? Of course, that’s the goal and that’s what we are (hopefully) taught to do. But aren’t there times when lying comes in handy?

Exhibit A:

Girl 1, with very big eyebrows: “Urgh look at my eyebrows I’m going all mono-brow. Life sucks. Everything sucks" 

Girl 2: " Shush you. Your eyebrows are beaut!"

In this instance, lying surely makes sense. No one wants to be told, “yep you’re eyebrows look like hairy slugs attached to your forehead". Surely lying has its perks ey?

BUT, it’s amazing how small lies can pick up momentum, outweighing truths we’ve held onto our whole lives and shattering beliefs, relationships and aspirations.

I’ve been in Oxford working on my dissertation and when work has been slow I have been watching The Hills. I know, I know, please don’t judge me too much. I have loved it though, the drama is unreal. And it has been great, getting whisked off to the life of a twenty-something reality TV star in sunny California. However, the content of the show, as well as the effect it has on audiences (in this case a 20 year old, single girl) is bizarre. It is such an interesting reflection on what lies have infiltrated our society.

-What do I mean by this?

Well, largely that we should all aspire to be young, tanned, rich and famous. Also, I guess what I was particularly challenged by, was appearance. How much does our society flood us with images of what it is to be beautiful, sexy and desired? 

Recent research by the YMCA in the UK found that between 1/3 and 1/2 of girls have a fear of becoming fat and engage with dieting or binge eating. What is even more worrying, is the effect that this then has on our views of others. The research also found that over 1/2 of girls and 1/4 of boys think their peers have body image problems.

Since when did appearance, beyond being healthy and happy, become such a central part of how we view people? I get it, our attraction to others does in many respects depend on how they look. BUT hasn’t our ‘ideal’ person just been constructed, created by this sexualisation of the body and through the use of make-up, fake tan or clothes, to make us as appealing as possible? 

What really gets me, is the negativity. I have suffered with insecurity, much like many young women, particularly regarding body image. Watching series like The Hills does hit home that I may not have that ‘ideal’ bikini body, rockin hair or a gorgeous face. And sometimes that fuels my belief in such lies that I need to be each of those things to be truly attractive and desired. But has no one else watched Shallow Hal? My goodness, can we all get a grip and start realising that such material, outward ‘beauty’ is not a defining feature of who we are.

Attraction is heightened by character.

This is not to say that outward beauty is BAD. Yet it is our dissatisfaction in being who we are because we are not confident in how we look that is so wrong. It is our belief in thinking that we are not worthy of affection or attention because of our outward appearance, that is fundamentally false. Another film which I watched recently that is fantastic, is The Help (I realise I seem to be watching lots of films/TV these days…).  One of my favourite parts is where one of the ladies, the ‘help,’ is looking after a slightly rotund girl whose mother is frustrated because she is not a skinny bean (despite the girl being like 3 years old). Anyway, the ‘help’ says daily to the girl (and gets her to learn by heart)- ‘You is kind, You is smart, You is important.’ No mention of the words skinny, tanned, pretty etc.

—PREACH IT SISTER!

So what does this mean for us? Well for me, it means that I am going to start celebrating ‘imperfection’ (if you can even call it that). Of course I may not suddenly be ok with the little hang ups I’ve had about my image over the years. Yet, I don’t want my (future) children to be a part of any statistics where they feel depressed or worse, judged, because of the way they look. So, I am determined to not believe any such lies which tell me my hair isn’t bouncy enough or I must do everything in my power to be on the ‘flat belly diet’ because not being skinny, isn’t ‘sexy.’

For us collectively, as a society. My hope is that we challenge and reject societal depictions of what has become normalised as attractive or sexy. Instead, let us celebrate the way we have been made and not shy away or feel embarrassed by our perceived flaws. 

Phew- Just had to get that off my chest.

Have a great day!

Ooh, and for further enjoyment, check this clip out (gotta love a bit of Mean Girls):